The regrets of love not expressed

Is there any sorrow greater than the sorrow of not having expressed your love?

The sadness that grips you when you find it is “too late.”

Too late to do the things you wanted to do …                                                                            Too late to visit now … she is not there any more.                                                                   Too late to allot time for her … You kept it too late. 

All the things that were so important to you, you had to do them “today”                             …. whilst visiting Aunty Marie could wait till tomorrow.

You can now do them for the rest of your life … no need to stop what you are doing.           …your Aunt does not need you any more.

The bag of groceries you were going to buy her …                                                             The day you were going to spend with her                                                                                           The love you were going to express …                                                                                                    … You kept it too late.

You did not even stop to think                                                                                                … a postcard will help if you cannot visit today.                                                                      …. A telephone call will be better … you can talk to her NOW.                                            TODAY ….BEFORE it is too late.

She took time and care to write to you … Did you reciprocate ..?                                You wanted to … with all your heart you want to …                                                                 but you kept it too late.    

Can you learn even now, Learn before it is too late.                                                         Get your priorities straight.                                                                                               The house, the garden, the work, the chores                                                                 All these can wait … There can always be another time for this.                                                Delays won’t cause regrets.

What causes the biggest pain and hurt                                                                      Because there will not be another time for this – EVER –                                                      Is the regret, the  pain and the sadness                                                                    of love not expressed. 

With pain in your heart you whisper and hope she can hear you.                            Aunty Marie I’m sorry.  I love you so much.  Thank you for writing to me.  Thank you for caring. Please forgive me  – my selfishness – and please know that I love you.

Your loving god daughter                                                                                       Rosanne                                                                                                                          14th July, 1999.

(True story – shared as a reminder to express your love, and do the things that really matter – before it is too late.)

FRAMED !!

Back in the MMC Challenge after quite a break and notice that Jithin has officially added a new twist.  Oh  larks … it is now confirmed that it is no longer only about :

mundane pictures of beautiful objects  but also 

beautiful pictures of mundane objects. 

The first was easy for me as my subject was  interesting enough  (for me at least 🙂 so photo ‘credits’  did not matter.   The second – framing things and getting it right  – now that is something else   😦  But I guess I can do with some photography lessons so here goes :

MMC Challenge FRAMED !!

FRAMED BY MMC CHALLENGE !!

A tongue in cheek FRAMED self portrait!!   I was actually trying to frame this soothing little corner in a hotel corridor but could not do it without getting in the picture myself.  And could not seem to get the full mirror in either 😦    using only a phone camera!

Any ideas on how to take such a picture without getting in the mirror  ??  short of being a ghost LOL 🙂

Life with a Twin

Celebrating our special day, it is nice to reflect on the good, the bad and the fun part of living with a twin.

Finally I ‘get it’.

“Keep your things to yourself”.   A firm ‘in control’ voice interrupts my reading on the sofa.

I look up.  Drama Queen is holding my wavy metal Alice Band outstretched in her hand and drops it on the sofa next to me.

“Where was it?”  (me, nonchalantly)

“On the ground next to the bed!”  (You know the way that’s said right?  !!)

“Aaah … must have fallen off when I slept”.   (still trying to be non-chalant)

No response.  She has gone back to her room.  I turn back to my book.  Then stop.  Did it fall off or did I take it off? Cannot really remember but either way, I am supposed to “keep my things to myself.”

I look up to think about that one and see things scattered all over the ground in the lobby in front of me.  Computer cases, cables, magazines, newspapers, dustbins.  A pink dustbin brush grins at me.  I am sure if I go to the bedroom the hair band will be the smallest thing on the floor. I look at the pink dustbin brush again grinning that he/she has all the right to sit on the middle of the floor with all the other things.    My hair band can’t.  I grin back 🙂

Suddenly I burst out laughing.  I just got it!!

All my stuff is supposed to sit neatly or otherwise, packed into one place.  All the other space around the house that I walk around in … that I move and ‘be’ in is only for that.  To walk around etc.  The house does not belong to me and I can’t mess it up like I would do in my house 😦

Now WHY DID’NT I GET THAT BEFORE?

It will save me stress and it will save her stress.

So until I complete my repairs and move back home, all I’ve got to do is just remember to be more methodical.  And pigs will fly but at least let’s try !!

So Let’s rap to the future… 

Alice Band

The errant Alice Band !

I found your hair-band on my bedroom floor

Evidence that you’ve been here before

And soon I won’t get waves of missing you anymore

You are like a Tsunami tide at my door!!!

(Ed Sheeran modified!)

Now for the other side of the coin  🙂

AN ODE TO MY TWIN

My sister is the sweetest thing

You ever did see

She rants and raves and scolds and yells

But a tender heart has she.

She noticed that I was having

A problem with my pills

Keeping them in one place being

An added stress to my ills

So when she saw a pillbox neat

She put it in her cart

‘At least this may help my sis’ she thought

‘Take care of her weak heart!!!’

HAPPY DAYS ROMS … I LOVE BEING YOUR TWIN !

Happy twin

Once upon a time ….

In a little pearl shaped island called  Serendipity far, far, away in the Indian Ocean  – there lived a beautiful young lady who was so accomplished in sports that she was the talk of the town.  People would come from miles around to see her breaking records and winning trophies.

Now at the same time there lived a handsome young man with a charming smile and an even more charming manner who was so popular that he was asked to be Master of Ceremonies for many lavish celebrations.

It so happened that one fine night the young lady too was invited to one of these fairy tale celebrations.  The moment the young man saw her dancing, he was so enthralled with her that he left his duties of EMCEE to dance with her all night.

The Story begins here

That is the beginning of Our Story.

Very soon the young man and the young lady got married and very soon after that the young lady had some good news for her young husband. They were both over-joyed and made all preparations to welcome a new little baby.

Mum and Dad wedding 2           Mum and Dad

When the big day arrived, the young man could not stop pacing the floor. He was worried for his wife but also thinking of all the wonderful things he would do with his little baby.  As he was pacing the floor in the hospital, the doctors came out and gave him the news that men all over the world hear every day –  but it was the very first time that he was hearing it. He was now a Daddy to a little girl. He was overjoyed.  But the doctor continued speaking in a sombre voice.

The young man’s heart skipped a beat.  Through a haze he heard words like premature babies and simultaneous heart beats  … and then the incredible  “there is another baby on the way!”  Imagine the young man’s joy. Two instead of one!!   His first crazy thought was that he has to buy a second crib.  Without stopping for a moment he rushed out of the hospital to purchase one.

The little ones could not however use the cribs immediately. They were both so very tiny – 2 ½ pounds and 3 pounds – that they had to remain in hospital for some time.

But when they were finally brought home,  what a celebration there was.  The young man and the young woman decided the first one must have a gypsy heart – for she was so eager to travel from the comfort of the womb to the world outside – so they called her Romany which means gypsy. The second one looked less robust – fragile like the petals of a rose so they called her Rosanne.

Being devout Catholics they also chose a saint’s name for their little girls.  The first born was named after St. Francis – a name also shared by both parents, whilst they chose ‘Therese (whose feast is on October 3rd) for the other little girl. .

And so it was that Gypsy Romany and Rambling Rose entered the world 61 years ago today.

How they have spent these years is a story for another day.  For the present we celebrate their lives and the many graces showered on them 🙂

Celebration time !

Romany (pink) and Rosanne  – taken June 2015  in Prague

Bury me in ….

Seems like a strange topic to write on … but a post by Annarashbrook on the death of her friend Paggy set me thinking.

Anna’s question on the fate of our possessions, reminded me of one of my pet peeves … how I wish to be buried !! 🙂

But let me deal with Anna’s question first.  I have a twin plus two siblings who have six children between them.  Since my twin and I have no direct heirs, we leave everything in trust for ‘the six’ to share as they think fit. ‘Everything’ for me consists of a property and some ‘investments’ to live on since I retired.  Not a fortune but sufficient for the day …

I have no idea how my other day to day possessions will be disposed of.  I do not have much in any case except books, books and more books – theology mainly.  Maybe they might give them to a library or keep them as keepsakes of their aunt, who they teased would be a ‘popess’ 🙂  … MAYBE !!!

Now to my idiosyncrasy – my anathema of local tradition to bury females in a long dress with socks on!  I do not wear long dress and can’t stand to think of being so dressed with white socks.  Uggghs!  But I am yet to see a female corpse in – denims or pants. (It did make me wonder how they dress women in other countries?)

So I have said I would like to be dressed in a sarong: viz. a couple of yards of cloth wrapped round me somewhat like this:  the first an olde world style, and the next a trendier version.

My siblings say it is “not allowed/ nice/ practical/ polite/ ’done’ ” for a corpse to have her shoulders and legs bare … and toes sticking out …  so I have said, in that case, wrap the sarong like a shroud. That should take care of both shoulders and toes 🙂   I could not find a picture to show this except this ‘sculpture’ – which my sister says won’t work either as I will have to die in a seating position!  I suspect she is laughing, but you get the idea …

Option to sarong

Then put me in the cheapest box you can find with no frills or fancy work – just straight chip board box …. and lay me down in the family grave.

That is how I would like to be buried.

Oh …  I took for granted the Catholic rites but with more ‘upbeat’ hymns.  I’ve been thinking that it would  be nice to have a marching band with cymbals clanging and trumpets blowing.  Or at least a whole lot of voices singing lustily and heartily something like Glory Glory Hallelujah – for my life’s hope is that I will be in the presence of my Creator, My Lord  … Transcendent Almighty Triune God.

And I will be finally and totally ONE  – “May all be one.  As you, Father are in me and I in you”  John 17:21

And that I believe is a moment for the greatest celebration of all.

Picture credits : 1worldsarongs.com;   www.3dartistonline.com/

The heart of my writing …

Following a link today I was blessed with this awesome post To Thine Own Self which has nuggets of wisdom- one of which really touched me

There is no greater beauty than that of the Pen of God

being breathed out the mouth of one onto the pages of another heart.

Would that I wrote like that to bring beauty into the world and the hearts of men!!  Would that the Heart of my Writing touched other hearts ….

These beautiful drawings by kids under a Heart of my writing project which I also stumbled on today made me realise that I too need to do a similar ‘heart of my writing’  exercise  this week as I refocus on my somewhat neglected site.

Angels with only one wing

I felt the odd one out. There was an aura of excitement when I signed in  to ‘uni-class’ today. Students were already posting links, asking questions.  The numbers indicator on the new comments button kept rising.  I tried to keep pace,  to keep up with the flow of comments. It seemed to be about a “Dream reader.”

Are you serious  … is that the task?  I had been so interested in chatting before class I had forgotten to check the days assignment.  I looked at the blackboard, sorry Dashboard. No assignment there. I was on the wrong page.  A bit of searching and a couple of SOS messages later to the ‘Commons’ and I found the right page.  Yes… it’s there all right.

cropped-class-seal_seal-class-of-september-2014  

Today’s Assignment: publish a post for your dream reader, and include a new-to-you element in it.

“New–to-you element”  – Very nice !!   I felt the excitement now. I had enrolled to learn the tech wizardry of the blogosphere. The  incredibly supportive WP team had given necessary guidelines for tweeting, embedding videos, images etc. I don’t tweet (yet) but would like to try my hand at embedding a video.

The other part (to write about my Dream Reader) is another story – figuratively speaking, because I am going to have to put that story in this story!

Problem is, I’m not sure that I have a dream reader.  I am a sort of a  reluctant blogger … I blog for ‘me’.

I can hear many exclamations … what are you doing here … go keep a diary etc  … but am I the only one who feels that way?  Some one help me please.  Some one tell me you feel the same way too …!

I write to unravel my mind … to come to understand myself, others, life, our final destination, God.  And when a little bit of light comes In through my window, I open it wider … see if I can reflect some light back to someone else who needs it – who is trying the unravel the same issues.

Is that my Dream Reader then?

I want to postpone this task  as I have chores to do, but my mind has got into a tangle and I need to unravel it now.   WP team is really clever.  They set you thinking and get you focused with their questions … who are you, why are you here, who is your dream reader ….

Heavy stuff.  Or is it?  I am a thinker … an over thinker … an over over thinker if there is such a thing… and I have to remind myself to ease up, laugh at my self.  I remind myself that ‘the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly’.

I need to keep that in mind now.  Stop over-thinking. Keep it light.  it would be nice to have a picture in front of me so I Google it. First strike – many quotes on angels. Not really what I wanted but I read some of them :

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone. ~George Elliot  

Very nice. Reminds me of the day the lotus bloomed and I knew it not; Reminds me of me 🙂 .

      Philosophy will clip an angel’s wings ~John Keats .

Oh oh … I like philosophy but perhaps should not philosophize so much. My siblings complain about this. 🙂 But there is another quote that counteracts it.  I like this last part which in some odd way reminds me of my ramblings :

…(angels) speak their own (language) whether there be any who understand it or not ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

And then this one

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another ~ Luciano de Crescenzo.

A song popped into my head and suddenly my Dream Reader was before me:  This is who I write for … my brother standing on the road with a heavy load from the seed he’d sowed;  My sister fallen by the road with no one to point the way  . . .

I write to unravel my mind.  I blog to share my journey, compare maps with fellow travellers, lend our compasses to each other because the joys and hopes, obstacles and hazards on the road are the same for all men.  

There were  many versions of this hauntingly beautiful song but I selected this one because the images bring you to silence. I hope you take a few minutes to watch…

 …  (even) with only one wing, we can still fly by embracing one another ~ Luciano de Crescenzo.

Who do I say I am?

chickeneastercard

Yikes … it’s self disclosure time. Again?

I thought I had left my calling card lying around ? … that you could get to know me through a ‘search and rescue’ operation in my posts.

But Blogging 101 suggests I put it right there on the table.

I agree it will be more considerate of your time. So as the earwig said when he fell of the wall … ‘ear wiggo’: A list of 10 more things about me.

Before I start  … I should warn you that my posts are a personal journal of moments on the road – shared with others on the journey.

I write about my Encounters  – with myself, with others and with my Lord.

Signposts on the road thus far :

  1. I am the younger of twin girls. We have a younger sister and brother. I had written  my childhood memories in appreciation to my parents, and to share with my brother – who joined our family 13 years later 🙂
  2. I enjoyed my youth, obtained a professional qualification, had an interesting career, married and moved to Jamaica.
  3. We had glorious times there. Jamaica was like an unending summer. I loved my job and the times we had. My husband and I parted company after 12 years and I returned to Sri Lanka.
  4. The divorce and my father’s death shortly afterwards left me pondering on philosophical and theological questions – the meaning of love, life, love, happiness etc. The questions remained in my subconscious awaiting answers.
  5. I felt there was more to life than work 5 x 52 so I opted for early retirement and started consultancy with reduced hours.

Next 5

Theology

  1. Finally I gave that up to go into full-time study for a degree in Theology – graduating in 2012.
  2. I found answers to many questions I’d had; I learned the Word of God and studied interesting subjects like anthropology and evolution, philosophy, and other theology related topics. I did my thesis on what constitutes consent to marriage in Canon Law and would like to convert that to a readable lay format one day soon.
  3. This past year, I returned to the ‘commercial world’ to help out with a travel agency … but an encounter with mortality intervened and I gave up work.
  4. My other interests – my five gorgeous nieces and one nephew, siblings and mum, a loving church community, my road dog “Monster”,  nature and the environment, POTTERY, psychology and helping young persons grow to their full potential.  Also, of late, diet and good health habits.
  5. Now, I would like to merge my head knowledge with my heart yearnings ….which is writing and sharing, synthesising what I have learned into easy reading for those who have not had the time to research and study as I have had.

And there you have it.

I hope this gives a clearer picture of who is writing and responding on the blogosphere … or as Chardin called it the noosphere.

I’d like to end with one of my favourite quotes from an unknown source.

I strut and prance on the stage of life

Hoarding each moment of thunderous applause.

But when the stage is set, and the lights are dimmed,

and the curtain falls for the last time.

Who will clap for me then Lord?

   YOU?

Credits for graphics:
http://blog.42floors.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/chickeneastercard.jpg
www.letstalklutheran.com

Thinking with my heart!

Retreat with Pope John XXIII

Jesus living wisdom

Shorten the distance between my head and my heart.

Teach me how to THINK WITH MY HEART

so that all my thoughts are filled with love.

Show me that wisdom is truth tasted in all its beauty.

Walk with me as I learn from life how wisdom becomes my friend.

 

Mary, Wise woman, pray for me

that  I may receive the gift of wisdom

and the love which makes it possible.

Holy Spirit, your first gift is wisdom.

Breathe on me, breath of God, and immerse me in this gift.

Take away my fear and fill me with love.

Show me that courage is a heart that acts,

Which is a way of saying that WISDOM 

FLOWS FROM THE HEART

Opening prayer from A Retreat with John XXIII .

 

One year old.. !!

I got a congratulatory message today from Word Press … I am one year old. Nice.  Very nice.

Of course I did not post like I wanted to .. but at least I started.  And I have spent the last week or two since an enforced ‘break’ from work,  reading up on how to improve appearance of this blog.  errrghs!!  I was so un-savvy I had the original theme picture on up to yesterday!!   Thank goodness I changed it before my anniversary. Continue reading